070: Dressing for Two

Embracing change in the second trimester

Georgia O’Keefe, Oriental Poppies, 1927

Before I became pregnant, I wondered every now and then how I would respond to the physical changes that arrive with it. From about the age of eleven, I developed a dysmorphic relationship with my body. I possessed a terrible sort of contempt for how I looked, which was never enough, reimagining the reality of my form with a cruelty that even now surprises me as to how a child could be so capable of. Feeling somewhat steady about how I momentarily perceived my body, I did worry about how I would see myself in pregnancy, whether that latent cruelty would once again resurface.

It dawned on me about halfway through the second trimester that I hadn’t really given any thought to my body. Of all the strange new sensations, I was very aware of – my right ear and only the right ear turning boiling hot if my blood sugar dropped; inexplicable pain in my big toe one night; the baby swirling around when laying on my back at the dentist, or drop-kicking me in protest whenever I took an Uber, a true New Yorker of a child – but as my cruelest critic, my thoughts were none. Somewhere along the pregnancy, between the morning sickness and the misery of the first trimester, I made peace with the fact that my body would undergo inevitable changes beyond my control, that I just wasn’t going to be able to wear certain clothes for the foreseeable future, or maybe never again, and I was relieved.

There was a time when looking in the mirror easily brought on a laundry list of disappointments, but now, more than anything, I am filled with a sense of awe and wonder. Over the last two years I lost friendships I held dear, developed health problems that eventually pointed to infertility, began IVF treatments, had a failed transfer, and understood them all as my failures. How bizarre that this body, subjected to more than two decades of neglect and insensitivity still had the strength to withstand it all, to find within it the reserves to grow another life? It isn’t pregnancy itself but rather what it took to get here, what I have gone through, that forced me to acknowledge my own fortitude. What I needed for myself, always, was kindness. And this has finally afforded me the ability to grant my body – and my dear critical mind – a reprieve.

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Dressing for two has been one of the greater pleasures of pregnancy. It is rather freeing to know exactly where I stand, not ten pounds lighter or with narrower hips or leaner legs, but to take my body as it comes and as it alters week after week. I no longer agonize over what does not fit. Though it is a tall order to expect each of my clothes and shoes to carry me through all stages of life (wouldn’t that be nice), discovering what pieces are up to the task, what new forms they take, and which designers really do think about encompassing human experiences gives me a thrill.

With the exception of a pair of joggers to wear to prenatal yoga classes and maternity undergarments, a godsend I succumbed to very early into pregnancy and cannot recommend enough, I’ve found that my affinity for tent-like shapes for spring and summer clothing, elastic waistbands, and delaying having pieces altered means that I have a fair selection of clothes to last me through my second and third trimesters. While I used to get flustered at times from repeatedly wearing the same things, making my clothes work for pregnancy has reminded me how much I actually enjoy coming up with ways of wearing existing pieces. Below are some outfits I’ve been enjoying in the second half of my second trimester, most of which are secondhand:

Granny Smith-green Prada jacket; Marni Spring 2019 skirt, the waist of which used to not fit quite right and now does perfectly; Y/Project x Melissa mules.

Dries Van Noten Spring 2019 jacket and skirt, the latter of which I’d been desperately searching for and finally found last, but a few sizes up from what I usually wear. I kept postponing taking it to the tailor and wore it pinned, and now there’s more than enough room for my partner-in-crime to slosh around in; Camper sandals.

A new Comme des Garçons pat-on-the-back skirt which can comfortably worn around the belly but also looks great worn under; Dries Van Noten denim jacket; Prada Spring 2020 sandals.

Simone Rocha Tulip skirt, which like the CdG skirt above can be comfortably worn much higher or lower; Labo.Art jacket; Camper sandals; faithful Fane bag which, in addition to the essentials, also fits a snack pouch of mixed nuts, a granola bar and a pillbox of Tums.

The Dries Van Noten Fall 2017 dress that doesn’t stop giving and deserves to have papers published on its construction. This is absolutely the most-worn piece of clothing I own, pre-pregnancy and now during, with still more room to grow; Spring 2025 jacket; Wales Bonner Mary Janes; JW Anderson Bumper bag highly deserving of a reissue!

Until next time!